Smarter Market Info

If you are a newbie concerning casino wagering, feel free to read on.

casino bonus central

Most commonly a gaming establishment is a structure that accomodates friendly gambling. Visitors will wager going for one-armed-bandits or different games. Betting room games habitually have numerically derived likelihoods incorporated that insure the betting house maintains dominion against the gaming enthusiasts. Countless betting house games can instigate you to get dependent speedily. Let’s examine the famous one armed bandit, a coin operated contraption with three or more cylinders which pivot if a handle on the side is tugged. The machine regularly compensates corresponding with a set arrangement of emblems observable on the screen of the appliance. Unfortunately, betting saloon pastimes suggest an apparition of power, thereby tricking the gambling aficionado — the participant is provided with alternatives, but actually they can’t compensate for the client’s statistical disadvantage. That is brought about by the the gambling saloongambling house not paying up the full amount as expected. This system will generally be noticeable in popular casino games such as poker, craps, roulette or blackjack.

Five-card stud poker is a very an immensely fashionable casino game. The betting enthusiasts, closely guarding their fully concealed hands, will bet into a pot in the center that is finally given to the prevailing participant blessed with the best hand. (As everybody knows, the best bluffing hand may well prevail too.) Resembling Texas hold’em, blackjack is likewise a very fashionable casino pastime. An amount of its appeal is thanks to the mix of chance and ingenuity and choice making, as well as a procedure identified as “counting”. It is a craft by which gaming enthusiasts can shift the chances of the game to give them an advantage both by betting and strategic actions in correlation to the cards dealt. Craps is another well known gambling hall pastime where people place bets on the roll of 2 dice. Gamesters place their money on the end result of one cycle, or on a series of cycles on two dice. Contrary to blackjack, there isn’t any realistic long term winner betting system punters can put to use to bend the odds. Roulette is another well-known gambling pastime — a croupier revolves a roulette wheel accomodating a set of thirty-seven (in the case of European roulette) or, respectively thirty-eight (American roulette) uniquely numbered chambers in which a tossed ball must come to rest, thus defining the winner as well as the other chances that will come with it. If the gamester wagers on a single number and makes it meaning he’s successful, the promised profit will be thirty five to 1, the stake proper will be tossed back. Hence, the original bet is multiplied by a factor of thirty-six.

Try to be very very watchful notwithstanding for many of such casino gambling pastimes can be very much dependency building. Indeed an incredible number of lives are proven to have been wrecked thru uncontrolled gambling & even if it definitely can be entertaining, please do aspire to practise self-control.

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Planning home improvements necessarily involves addressing numerous practical matters. That doesn’t mean you should ignore the fun stuff!

The Fun Stuff

The first thing to plan for in home improvements is the practical stuff. The second thing you need to talk to family members about is the fun stuff.

Most people have colors they like and colors they don’t like. They have things that interest them and things that don’t. Get your family to talk to you about those things. Each person’s bedroom, or bedroom area, should reflect his or her taste and interests. A boy who likes green, football, and backpacking can easily have a sage green (it “reads” as more neutral than many shades of green if re-sale of your home is a concern) room with cream woodwork, cream interior shutters, and cream ceiling. Framed football posters and wilderness scenes might be pleasant. Bedding with a rustic motif (rows of stylized pine trees?) from L.L. Bean or Plow and Hearth would work right in. Add a touch or two of a bright color like red or yellow.

Does he need a desk in his room? A chest of drawers? A bookcase? Would he enjoy having a bulletin board? Even if they’re small, most rooms need at least three lamps so that illumination is general and even. The shades are usually best in warm, neutral colors. (Light coming through green shades tends to make people look sick.) Lamp shades should be level and the seams should be toward the wall so they’re not visible. When the bottom edge of most lamp shades in a room are the same height from the floor, the room tends to look serene and cohesive.

Hanging pictures usually look best if the bottom edges of the frames are the same height from the floor and level with each other, too. There are exceptions to this and every generalization of course. A grouping of pictures can have the bottom tier follow the “rule” while all of the other pictures are higher. A picture over a fireplace often looks good higher than the other pictures in the room.

Pictures usually look best when they have a relationship to furniture or an architectural feature. Pictures centered over a chest, bed, bookcase, or fireplace are good examples. Pictures don’t tend to look good if they’re scattered willy-nilly around a room, or if they’re up near the ceiling (unless they’re part of a grouping), or if the height at which they’re hung varies wildly with no rhyme nor reason.

A girl who loves pink, the ballet, and swimming can have woodwork the same cream as her brother’s while her walls are a soft pink (a pink with a hint of yellow in it tends to go well with cream), and her art work reflects her interests. If she loves to read, make sure she has a good reading lamp near her bed, or near a comfortable chair, or both.

A cream colored dust ruffle with widely spaced pink stripes and a quilted plaid coverlet in pink, green, yellow, and blue on a cream background might look nice. Add cream fabric window shades with large pink polka dots and I’ll bet she’ll smile.

The bigger point is to simply have fun with some of your home improvements. There is no need to look exclusively at practical matters.

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When buying a house in Spain, there are numerous aspects which require a lawyer’s expertise.

You know the dizzying moment, after endless house-hunting, when you walk into a place and know it’s the one. When that place is in Spain, add to that ecstatic feeling a huge dollop of sunshine, beaches and cheap wine – and suddenly all sorts of thoughts can pop into your head, such as ‘Why spend money on a lawyer? This all looks simple enough to sort out myself’.

Well, you wouldn’t dream of buying a house without a lawyer at home. So why would you even consider it in a country where you are probably unfamiliar with the legal system, the language (even if you speak Spanish, who really understands legal jargon?) and the ins and outs of local property culture.

Perhaps the single most important consideration, when buying a property abroad, is to have a good, independent English-speaking lawyer lined up so that they can get moving as soon as you give them the nod.

Noemi Chavez, President of the Colegio de Abogados de Marbella (Marbella’s Law Society), cannot stress enough how crucial it is that foreign buyers find an independent lawyer. “Do not use a lawyer recommended by a developer or a vendor who has different interests to yours. It is also not advisable to use legal representatives based in the UK as they are not qualified as a Spanish ‘abogado’ and do not know Spanish law,” says Chavez.

“Property purchase regulations, formalities and searches vary considerably from one country to another and only someone with a proper degree in Spanish law – and only an ‘abogado’, not a solicitor- can provide advice on contracts and deals done under Spanish law,” Chavez adds.

Your lawyer’s work begins with ensuring the property is legitimately owned by the vendor, that it is free from debts or charges and that it has the valid title deeds. A lawyer will negotiate with the other side over trickier elements of the transaction, register the title deeds and sort out all relevant transfer taxes. The double taxation agreement between the UK and Spain means you shouldn’t be taxed for the same things in both countries, but if you own property in Spain you lawyer must advise you on wealth tax, local taxes and – when it comes to sell – capital gains tax.

They can also tell you how to get an NIE, a tax ID number, which is essential for all home-owners. And, finally, you should consult your lawyer about drawing up a Spanish will separate from your UK will, to cover your Spanish assets.

The Spanish laws on inheritance are strict and complicated, so you will need expert advice on the taxes involved and the other financial implications of your purchase in the future. Even the way in which your set up the purchase of your property at the start will affect how your estate is dealt with and taxed in future – and inheritance tax can be as high as 34-per-cent.

To draw up the document to cover a straightforward estate and register it in Madrid, your lawyer should not charge much more than about 200 euros. When looking for a good lawyer, ask for personal recommendations, as you would at home.

Alternatively, ask your Lighthouse Customer Service Consultant, who can recommend lawyers with whom Lighthouse has good, longstanding relationships. Or if you are looking in the Malaga province, contact Noemi Chavez at abogados@inverius.com for a list of members of Malaga’s Colegio de Abogados. Local newspapers also carry adverts for conveyancing lawyers. In Costa del Sol see Sur In English or Euro Weekly News, or in Costa Blanca the main English-language paper is Costa Blanca News.

Make sure your lawyer speaks good English and is well practised in helping British property buyers. And always obtain an estimate of costs in advance. For property conveyancing, fees will be calculated as a percentage of the sum involved – usually 1%. Only in the case of conveyancing for very low price properties will the lawyer charge a fixed fee.

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Stress is defined as a response by your body to any demand made upon it and a ‘demand’ means a change. Did you know different stress levels have names? For example “Neutral” stress is the amount of work it takes to maintain normal body function. If we give stress a scale of 1- 10 where Neutral stress would be 1. Lets take a look at Success and what it implies. Believe it or not success is a stressor, called “Eustress”, which stems from the word euphoria. We can give eustress a quantitative number like 5 because it is a high intensity feeling and brings many ramifications and changes. Now we’ll take a brief peak at failure. Failure means challenge, or worst of all defeat. So failure can generate what is called “Distress”, which, we’ll give a number of 5 because it’s implications for change are compound and also intense. I’m relinquishing the good and bad judgements on stressors and trying to quantify them based on the change from homeostasis-the norm perspective. If our highest stress level is 10 this is when we experience all of the classic “fight and flight” signs of our body preparing for action. Hormones, like adrenaline, surge. 6 Your heartbeat and blood pressure soar. Your palms sweat. 7 Your short of breath. Your hair stands on end. 8 You’ve got a flock of geese flapping in your belly. Your blood sugar rises and your muscles tense. 9 Your mind is focused on fighting or flighting. If you get to 10 you’ll probably mess your knickers because your system has gone berserk from over stimulation and your body will surrender. Though the odors may stop your adversary from taking that first bite. These effects, up to 9.9 unchanged for thousands of years, helped prehistoric humans survive! The problem here is that the physical and emotional manifestations of the stress response are designed to dissipate when the immediate physical threat is over. But when they don’t, over time, these over used hormones cause heart disease, hypertension, suppressed immunity, colitis, irritable bowel syndrome and even depression. The greatest defense against these physical manifestations is to realize they are caused by your hard wired prehistoric emotions. For instance, if you’re late for work and you’ve just missed the last subway. What do you do? You can either panic, or you can just accept the situation. Relax, take a deep breath and wait for the next one. If you can change a situation, do it, if you can’t, then you adapt. Understanding stress and its effects can help you use it to your own advantage, and turn potential “stressors” into positive challenges. Something I have always believed and now seems to be coming to light with scientific evidence is the fact that stress can actually be good for you! The Latest Study on Stress This is a study done recently with mice in a stressful situation. What the researchers did was they take a bunch of mice that were bullied repeatedly by a nasty mouse for a couple of hours for six consecutive days. At the end of that period the researchers infected the picked on mice with a strain of influenza that also infects humans. Other mice, not subjected to the bullying, were also infected so the scientists could measure the effects of the stress. The bullied mice were actually better able to ward off the virus than the ones that had not had to deal with an aggressive foe. So the scientists changed the name of the stress test to “repeated defeat.”. By whatever name, the stress apparently improved the memory of the special “T cells,” that run the immune system. Low levels of stress produce hormones that help us meet various challenges, so a little of a bad thing can be good. Of course, there’s still some question about whether humans will react the same as mice, but the mouse immune response is comparable to that of the humans and that’s why they chose the mice.

Did we need this experiment to prove our point? Hardly. But the scientists do and here we are with more proof of what we already knew. Since the fight-or-flight response is designed for physical action, regular exercise is the best way of dissipating the physical manifestations of stress hormones in the body. Exercise, even stretching, can relieve tension in the muscles. While fight-or-flight taxes the immune system moderate physical activity can bolster the immune response. Exercise can also counteract the anxiety adrenaline and cortisol may cause when they flood the bloodstream for prolonged periods. Most obviously, exercise is an outlet for excess adrenaline, and has been shown to blunt cortisol production. But another way it achieves this is by releasing serotonin, a neurotransmitter that stimulates the brain’s “happy centers.” This occurs most dramatically within the first 30 minutes of physical activity, then tapers off. Exercise also induces the release of endorphins, which block pain messages and can enhance mood. There are peripheral benefits to physical activity as well. The sense of self-control that comes with overcoming the anxiety provoking stress, of course the weight loss that comes with the exercise and the improved body image affects our outlook, and so our interactions with others, which in turn improve our mood. So empower yourself and make friends with stress. What Stress Can Do For YOU! New research is telling us that stress should be welcomed. Increasing evidence is pointing to how stress can: Prevent cancer from returning Reduce the chance of heart attack Increase life expectancy Boost the immune system Increase brain power Well, do you feel any better now?

Deborah Caruana RN, MES, CPT. CALL 212-677-3185 EMAIL deb@vitalsignsfitness.com WEB www.vitalsignsfitness.com

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Rakeback

More than a few poker players have asked me “Why would I need any rakeback? I play on the web if I have an inducement to play.” What happens if someday you have the opportunity to play poker full time? There are numerous gamers in the gaming world that kick themselves for overlooking Full Tilt Poker rakeback and today they have opted in for every last major poker room and skins. Don’t let this happen to you. If you are a player who plays below a couple of dollars and only bets when you are clearing bonus sign-up rewards, you could be picking up normally around 100% rakeback considering the bonus on your play. A certain well known room recently shut down gamers who played on the betting web site only to bet this way. No one knows for sure if this practise might perhaps initiate a trend. If it take place then a rakeback deal is a must.

Soon you may hit tiptop form and then find yourself very prosperous, even if it hasn’t come about already. I was injured by an on the job accident and came upon poker during my recovery and I never regretted it. That’s more than 2 years back yet I haven’t had a job since then thanks to gambling and of course rakeback. Planning forwards is a brilliant idea. Consider it an investment, even if you do not imagine rakeback is appropriate for you at present it certainly might be a brilliant deal in the future, there is no danger. Should you be thinking about signing up for a new rooms you must sign up for rake back.

The poker afficionado assistance mediation service Rakeback Professionals is pleased to be associated with so many respectable partners. Opting in can be as uncomplicated as surfing to a The gamblers’ help organization Rakeback Professionals affiliate website or as problem free as sending an e-mail. The partner can effortlessly get everybody up and running in no time. You will be set up to begin playing straightaway. If you sign up with an affiliate via Rakeback Professionals you will be able to rest easy as every single partner will have been evaluated and in addition agrees to authorize The Rakeback Professionals organization to arbitrate whatever complaints which may come about. Because we invariably screen every last one of our affiliates, we have had hardly any concerns and we always work directly to remedy every complaint to protect the bettors.

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It was a simple real estate formula. The ads ran in our small-town newspaper for years before I realized exactly what was going on. They were always the same: A house for sale with 5% down and payments of 1% of the purchase price. Maybe a three bedroom home for $90,000, for example, with $4,500 down and $900 per month payments.

When a friend started doing the same thing he explained the process to me. It was a way to get a great return on capital, and it was the opposite of buying with no money down. There is no down payment at all when you buy, because you buy for cash.

The Simple Real Estate Formula

You probably know that when you buy for cash, you can often get a much better price. With no financing contingencies in the offer, and the promise of a faster closing, sellers are willing to sell for less. You can offer $95,000, for example, on a house that might be worth $108,000. If you can’t get it for less than, say, $99,000, you walk away – there are always other opportunities.

Once you buy the house, you put few thousand into high-return repairs and improvements. These might include paint, carpet, and maybe asphalt for a dirt driveway. For our example, we’ll say you spend $5,000. Let’s suppose the house is worth $116,000 now. You’re ready for the next important step in this real estate formula.

You put it up for sale, targeting buyers who can’t get financing easily. You provide the financing. Because you are making it easy for the buyer, you can get more than the $116,000 value for the home – and do it without paying a realtor’s commission. Let’s say you sell it for 123,000. The buyer needs a down payment of just 5%, or $6,150, and makes monthly payments of $1230 per month. You charge higher interest than the going rates at the banks, of course.

This is a win-win situation. Your buyer is able to buy a home instead of renting, and you get a capital gain of perhaps $16,000 after expenses, plus good interest. Your total rate of return will often be over 20%!

In our town, the first to do this consistently were a father and son team of lawyers. They saved money by doing their own foreclosures when necessary. Once they foreclosed, they raised the price and sold the home all over again.

They made millions. Did you know that if you can get an average return of 18% on your money, you’ll turn $75,000 into more than one million dollars in about fifteen years? That’s the power of a good real estate formula.

Steve Gillman has invested in real estate for years. To learn more, get a free real estate investing course, and see a photo of a beautiful house he and his wife bought for $17,500, visit www.HousesUnderFiftyThousand.com

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When rates start going up, you should look at locking in your rate.

One of the worst surprises can be getting to closing and finding that your interest rate has increased. In fact, many potential homeowners don’t have any room for increases in interest rates.

“Anytime rates go up, rate locks are an issue. If you don’t lock in your rate, then your rate is floating with the market,” explains Jack Guttnetag, finance professor emeritus at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School.

Traditionally, locking in your rate is the lender’s guarantee that your mortgage carries a specific interest rate, points and other terms. Make sure that you get it in all in writing. Don’t just take the lender’s word that rates won’t go up.

The lock on the rate will be good for a specific amount of time. If you don’t close before the time is up, then you will be facing rising interest rates.

“This is mainly a problem with a home purchase because a home buyer has so much at stake and is at the mercy of the market price as defined by the loan officer. If you get to closing and find someone has been playing games and things are not what you agreed to and you don’t have a rate lock, you are in a vulnerable position. If you are refinancing, you have options. You don’t lose the house if you don’t close on the scheduled date,” said Guttnetag.

If interest rates fall during the lock period, you lose out on the decrease in rate. You may be able to rewrite your lock, but you should expect it to cost you extra.

Some lenders offer what is called a “float down” option that will grant you with a lower rate if rate fall. While most locks are designed for the borrower’s benefit, some may not, so make sure that you understand everything in the lock agreement before you sign.

The contract should include a lock on as many of the costs as possible, including the interest rate and points. It should include your name, the lender’s name, the effective date and rate, the lock cost, what rate and terms are locked, the expiration date and time and any post-lock options.

Check to make sure that the rate you are locking in is the rate that was quoted to you on your application.

The length of the lock should allow for the settlement, contingencies and potential delays. Most locks average 30 days, but you will find them from 15 to 60 days. Ask about the average time for processing your loan and get an estimate from your agent on how long closing should take.

Once you lock in the rate, you need to make sure that you are approved and closed before the contract expires. If you have a floating lock, make sure that you keep your eye on the market to see if it has gone down.

A lock will cost you money. Like a mortgage, shop around for the terms and the cost. Some lenders will charge you even if you don’t close on the mortgage with an up-front fee. Others charge a fee at settlement. It could be a flat fee, a percentage of the mortgage amount, a fraction of a percentage point or a higher interest rate. The cost could vary depending on the lock, the options you choose and the mortgage program.

Martin Lukac, represents http://www.RateEmpire.com, a finance web-company specializing in real estate/mortgage market. We specialize in daily updates, rate predictions, mortgage rates and more. Find low home loan mortgage interest rates from hundreds of mortgage companies! Visit http://www.RateEmpire.com today

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Going through a bad debt phase is now considered as normal financial happening in any person who is a regular taker and spender of the loans. Lenders give a sympathetic listening to these people and provide financial help. One such help comes in a big way when the borrowers take the route of bad debt homeowners loans. The borrowers are able to take bad debt homeowners loans without any hurdles as the loan is especially designed for people having bad debts.

As the name indicates, bad debt homeowners loans are tailored for borrowers who have a home under their ownership. They can take the loan against their home on placing it as collateral with the lenders. On the basis of the collateral, availing a larger bad debt homeowners loan becomes easier for the borrowers. The collateral also helps them in taking the loan at lower interest rate.

Under bad debt homeowners loans, larger amount ranging from £5,000 to £75,000 can be borrowed. Where even greater loan is the need, the loan provider checks the equity in the collateral. Larger loan will be given if the equity is higher.

Secured bad debt homeowners loans have this added advantage of lower interest rate. With the loan well secured, borrowers are in a stronger position in bargaining for a further reduction of the interest rate. Borrowers can repay the loan to their comfort as lenders give 5 to 25 years for paying back the loan.

In cases where borrowers do not possess a property worth offering as collateral or do not want to take loan against due to repossession fear, borrowers can still avail bad debt homeowners loans. To get the loan these borrowers should furnish proof of their income source. Their financial standing also counts a lot in the loan deal. Unsecured bad debt homeowners loans are provided at higher interest rate as compared to the secured one. But a comparatively lower rate of interest is achievable after comparing different rates of lenders.

Meanwhile the borrowers should do the needful towards improvements in their credit score as this allows them to take the loan at better interest rate. Remember even a slight reduction of interest rate can save you lot of money. To improve credit score, borrowers should make efforts to pay off those easy debts first and then take the credit report to a reputed agency to add the development. On FICCO scale credit score ranges from 300 to 850, and score of 720 and above is considered as good for the loan offer. Score below 580 is taken as bad credit.

Bad Debt Homeowners Loans can help in improving credibility of borrowers. The loan should be paided back in time. If availed wisely the loan can improve financial health besides meeting immediate requirements.

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A free mortgage quote is something that any lender or mortgage broker can provide.

If you give them permission to check your credit, some will ask you to reimburse them for that expense (usually less than $25).

Getting free quotes is the easy part. Comparing quotes can be challenging.

Compare Same Loan

The first thing is to make sure you are being quoted for the exact same loan by all parties. If you are looking for a 30 year fixed loan, make sure one of the quotes is not for a 10 year fixed.

Compare Same Day Quotes

Interest rates change daily. A quote given by one party on a Monday is based on the rates prevailing that day. A quote given on Tuesday is based on different market conditions, and may only be higher or lower because of conditions that day.

The rates you are quoted are estimates. They come in the form of a “Good Faith Estimate” (GFE). These are standard forms to make comparisons easier.

The actual rate you will receive will depend on the rate at which your loan is “locked”. This is when your interest rate is fixed in writing. This can be different than what you are quoted. The loan is locked for a certain number of days – 15, 30, 45, 60, or even more. After this lock period is over, you lose your rate lock. Many lenders can “extend” the rate lock for a small fee, usually in the form of a slightly higher interest rate (that is presumably lower than prevailing rates that day).

Good Faith Estimate

A summary of different charges includes:

Third party fees

These are “neutral party” charges that you will incur anyways in a mortgage transaction, such as the fees for a public filing
Escrow charges – this is the service that a neutral third party (the escrow company) charges for being in the middle of everyone and handling the money in a fair and unbiased manner, in compliance with lender instructions and contracts.

Title insurance – this is the insurance policy that you pay, with the new mortgage lender as the beneficiary. This is a policy that protects the lender from future title issues on your property. Just in case it turns out that the person who sold the house to you was an imposter, didn’t really have title, etc. In case lawsuits are filed by new parties after a transaction claiming to own all or part of the property, this title insurance policy protects the lender. Title insurance costs increase with the value of the property.

Hazard insurance – this is the hazard insurance policy on the property. The lender wants to make sure the policy is in place and paid up for a reasonable amount of time into the future – sometimes up to a year
Document preparation fees, filing fees – these are usually relatively small
Notary public fee – for notarizing the loan documents

Although there may be some room to maneuver on these costs, they are incurred regardless of who you do your loan with.

Loan fees

Your broker’s fees can include a percentage of the loan (each 1% of the loan amount is known as a point), a broker processing fee, broker admin fee, etc.

The lender fees – including underwriting fee, document drawing fee, etc.
Buy down – this is money you pay up front out of the loan to the lender to get a lower interest rate

Prepaid charges

Lenders may require you to prepay several months of property taxes, a couple of weeks of interest, etc. These are prepayments of bills you would pay anyways, so in that sense it is different than other charges

There is sometimes a wide range in the fees that different lenders charge.

The single biggest area of charges is usually in the “loan fees”.

No Points

A lender or broker can charge “no points” upfront because they increase your interest rate.

For example, if a lender quotes you 6.5% with no points, ask them what it would be with 1 point. This should lower the rate around 0.5%, to around 6%.

This is why some quotes will show much lower closing costs (lower loan fees) but have much higher interest rate.

Prepayment Penalty

Also check to see if there is a prepayment penalty. If there is, check:

For how long
What the size of the penalty will be (how it is calculated)
Whether it is triggered only when you sell within the prepayment penalty period (a “soft” prepay) or whether you sell or refinance (a “hard” prepay)

Typically prepayment penalties don’t last for longer than 3 years, but can be shorter or longer.

If you plan on selling your property in 6 months, then a loan with a one year prepayment penalty may not work for you.

Why accept a prepayment penalty? Lenders can offer this as an incentive in exchange for a lower interest rate. If you don’t plan on moving for at least 5 years, then a 1 year prepayment penalty may be something to consider if you get a lower rate.

For more information visit www.archerpacific.com
Loan Library

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Just about everyone has experienced rejection. They say it is our biggest fear. I suppose much of that comes from our instincts in childhood since a child experiences rejection as life threatening. Nature programs us to avoid rejection, so that as kids we don’t die of starvation!

However, we may tend to carry this instinct (avoid rejection at all costs) over into our adult life in a way that does not help us create healthy relationships.

Lets have a looks at what ‘rejection’ means to an adult. Imagine I have tried to contact someone who did not respond in the way I hoped – or, who did not respond at all. When that happens I may feel ‘rejected’. But, what is that all about?

After all I don’t know what is going on with the other person. How they are behaving may have nothing it all to do with me. (It might, but I’ll come back to that later – see What if it is My Fault?).

I could tell myself various things about this ‘rejection’ depending on how I feel at that particular moment – especially if it is the third time it has happened this week. I might start to feel really bad about myself. However, there is another way I can handle it. There is a way in which even an apparent rejection can help build my self-esteem rather than damage it. It is all down to what I tell myself about the event.

The part in quotes is my initial response and the part that follows is how I explain it to myself.

‘They don’t like me.’ – but they don’t even know me. Best just to move on.

‘They don’t like what I said/wrote/did.’ – fair enough. Not everyone is going to like my style. I will learn what I can, but I will also move on.

‘They have lost faith in relationships at that moment’ – maybe, if so not much I can do about that. Best just to move on.

‘They are too busy’ – not much I can do about that either. Best just to move on.

‘They are a stuck-up %^&!’ – but I don’t even know them. I don’t know what they might be going through. Best not to be down on them, just to move on.

‘I did not really like them anyway’ – maybe, maybe not. I don’t know them. Best just to move on.

‘I am a terrible person. Nobody like me’ – nah! Not everyone likes me, but some folks do. Best just to move on.

‘I don’t know’ – I don’t know what is going on with that person. I probably never will. Best just to move on.

‘Nothing’ – that’s right. It may have nothing at all to do with me. Best just to move on.

You’ll notice in the above there is a discussion going on. One part (in quotes) expresses my gut reaction; the other part interprets the event and helps bring it to some kind of resolution.

Seeming rejection from other people is really only a problem if I have rejected myself. If I feel pained by a situation it is best that I listen to the part of me that feels the hurt and hear what is has to say. I can then think about what happened and explain it to myself. If I reject the hurt, then I am really rejecting myself, and that causes a lot more pain than anything.

What hurts is not what other people say or do, but what we tell ourselves about it.

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How Many of Me are there?

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It may seem strange idea at first that one part of use needs to explain things to another part of us. Yet, it works. It works really powerfully too. Sometimes I need to do it a number of times, but often I find this approach of getting into a discussion with myself creates a shift in mood, or attitude, really fast.

It this still seems strange to you, consider the alternatives. We can ignore how we feel and pretend it didn’t happen. We can go into hiding till we feel ready to contact other people again. Those are not useful alternatives, are they?

Also, we can lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that we did not really want anything to do with that person anyway. We can medicate our feelings through; drugs, alcohol, watching TV, being busy, obsessive behavior, and so on. Of course, lots of people do that. But, it does not really work. We want to do what works. Don’t we?

If we don’t deal with an issue and handle the pain, like grown ups, we end up having to hide or run away. That just causes us a lot more pain in the long run.

Having a good internal conversation is far better, far healthier and a lot more fun, than the alternatives. There is nothing to be gained by repressing our feelings and moods, or by letting them spill out in harmful ways. It’s best just to have a ‘conversation’ with them.

I have had some hilarious (and very enlightening) conversations with myself while alone driving along in my car. I have found out things myself that I never even knew and in the process cleared up some long standing personal issues – and even some health problems!

In fact a good sign that you have got a handle on dialoging with yourself is when you find yourself being surprised by what comes up. There is a wonderful, beautiful authentic person in there. Why not get to know you? Not just the bit that society made, but the bit that God made. Most of us have only traveled a short way into tapping into our real potential.

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What if it is My Fault?

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The whole point of all this is: we can only have a healthy relationship with other people if we have a healthy relationship with ourselves. We can’t abandon ourselves and expect everyone else to welcome us.

If I have such a low opinion of myself that I don’t pay constructive and healthy attention to myself when I am hurt by something why should anyone else? If I don’t give serious attention to what I really enjoy in life, then who will?

If I keep looking to someone else to fill the gap (and only expect life to get better that way) then I have rejected and abandoned part of myself. If I abandoned part of myself then what I get is a gnawing feeling of abandonment and isolation.

There is a difference between feeling lonely and just being on my own. When I feel lonely it feels like nobody is there. When I am on my own (but not lonely) at least I am present – and paying positive attention.

How does it feel to have someone avoid you all the time? It feels horrible. And, that is how I feel when I avoid myself. That is how any person, who avoids themselves, ends up feeling. Self-avoidance is what causes much of the ’social medication’ we see around us (drugs, alcohol, obsessions, addictions, etc). If you want to get over an addiction try being genuinely kind to yourself for a while. Love is always the greatest healer.

The most attractive type of person is a person who has a life. Doing the things we love to do is part of what makes us interesting to others. It is also the best way to meet people.

There is no point postponing leading the most enjoyable life we can till the ‘right’ person comes along. When it gets down to it, we are the person who can do the most to make us happy. Besides, isn’t being on the road to happiness a good place to meet the right person?

William Martin offers a very different slant on dating and relating. He offers a unique and wholistic approach to finding – and keeping – a life partner. Check out his totally free dating site if you want to find a partner, or this love and romance ebooks directory.

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